The Davidsonian has started an advice column in order to not leave a gaping hole on one of the pages due to the lack of newsworthy things that go on around here at Davidson. Unfortunately, the requests have been a bit strange. Since The Davidsonian has to keep in mind all the old geezers that might read this, they have to choose advice requests that are relatively tame.Fear not, though! The Yowl has scavenged the bottom of the trash can to find the discarded submissions and will answer your strangest, weirdest, grossest questions here.
Q: Me (21F) and my friend (21F) have roomed together for the last four years. Last Friday, my friend and I took care of a drunk guy at F and he ended up spending the night on the couch. I think he hooked up with my friend. I hate him, but my friend thinks he’s cute and has bright, sharp blue eyes. He killed a moth and she thought that was “so hot.” Now she wants to be official with him. Is she moving too fast?
A: No speed is over the limit when it comes to love. Remember that when you’re on your third divorce.
Q: I (59M) accidentally ran over a student with a golf cart. I work for Much Ado Catering and was rushing to get the shrimp cocktails and tuna steaks over to a lecture on overfishing hosted by the biology department. I was already running late, so I just chucked the kid into the ice and said I’d deal with it in the morning. Well, it’s been several mornings and the ice is almost melted. Should I confess or throw them in the pit for a bunch of drunk students to find?
A: The Honor Code is dead. Pit Party 2.0.
Q: My (19F) and my friend (19F) will be roommates next year and get lunch together almost everyday. Last week, she ate an entire raw onion like it was an apple. I’ve never seen her do this before and honestly it’s a major turn-on. Her jaw strength is deeply attractive and her onion-breath smell isn’t even that bad. I can’t even imagine what her mouth can do… down there. But we’re going to be roommates. I want to make a move, but I also don’t want things to be awko taco, but I’m also just a girl who wants a messy sapphic college relationship. What should I do?
A: You should keep this to yourself. We should all know less about each other.