While students are complaining about the yearly increase in the cost of tuition, it’s important to give credit to the administration for making the tough decision. The costs incurred by the College have recently gone up by quite a bit, and we need to consider where all of this money is going. As a result, here’s a list of the things this new money will be going to, which I’m sure you will agree is well worth the increased cost.

Campus Police suddenly need to fund a campus-wide search party to find and remove any possible hidden cameras. This will require lots of overtime work and bringing in hidden camera experts (the criminal kind, not the fun “Impractical Jokers” kind). Your money will be going to help rid Davidson of a problem that avoided detection for nearly two decades. This round of funding can also serve as a preemptive collection of money to pay for an eventual settlement of anybody found on said hidden cameras. 

Increased staffing for the Fundraising Department is essential, as we need more #AllinforDavidson and ‘Cats Say Thanks emails. The one-day delay between a tuition raise and a fundraising request was way too long, and they need additional staffing to ensure these emails follow each other within a matter of hours. 

The ATC needs to be able to give out even more money to student clubs you have never heard of or considered. You truly do not want to know the obscene amount of money we give to organizations that don’t seem to do anything. We couldn’t possibly consolidate any of the four mental health-themed clubs or provide those resources to trained therapists instead of college sophomores. What will happen if Casual and Competitive Gaming Club is not able to buy free Domino’s Pizza for their E-Board meeting of six people every week? They can barely survive on their paltry tens of thousands of dollars. We need more funding for crucial clubs. 

We also need more money to replace those expensive goofy-looking glowing balls that Union Board got offended about losing. Davidson must place comical and easy to steal objects in major areas frequented by drunk students. Perhaps Union Board can put up giant neon signs outside of Nummit while everyone drinks pitchers of beer with this funding.

Davidson still needs help paying off the literal millions of dollars we spent on rebranding the logo. Good thing we’re paying outside consultants incredible amounts of money to change our brand instead of asking any internal art students. I’m so relieved we were able to change our logo away from anything distinctive and recognizable and instead now have one that looks like a knockoff Washington D.C. hat or a misshapen leopard. Thank god we’ve distanced ourselves from the look of the most recognizable Davidson moments in the national consciousness. I would have hated if we had saved money and just kept the branding look from the most successful basketball run in school history under the student leadership our most famous alum!