We are just one month into the semester and the residents of the Armfield apartments have already announced their decision to form an HOA. It turns out Armfield life is not as glamorous as it may have seemed. One resident complained, “I mean I didn’t want to cut out my fifth friend but she’s not worth my entire apartment vibrating every Friday and Saturday. We need some serious beautification.” Armfield, affectionately referred to as F, has long been a popular place to be on a Friday night, but the morning after is not so glamorous. Residents complain of trash everywhere and a lingering smell of vomit, urine, and cheap beer. “I didn’t know what I was getting myself into,” one resident insists “I used to love going to F my Freshman year and I was hoping to bring back the magic by living in it, as it turns out the fun in F is the ability to walk away from it whenever you choose. For me it’s like one never ending nightmare.” Another resident complains, “It’s like I’ve just been on a month long bender. As soon as I finish cleaning up from the previous weekend another one starts.” The HOA’s rules will come into effect on September 26th. Many new policies will be implemented including bans on football players and all music except for classical. Additionally, cleanup crews are to be formed consisting of future pledges. In order to make crowds more manageable, in order to get into an apartment students will now have to pay a $10 HOA fee and take a 20-question quiz on a randomly chosen frat brother. Alternatively, female students can dance on the KSig counter tops for an hour as an equivalent to the entrance fee. The HOA has even talked about opening a cookout: “We all know the chick-fil-a is never coming and with commons closing at 8:00 we need an alternative for late night meals” an anonymous source says. While the HOA isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, residents are confident that it is a step towards a safer, quieter, and dryer campus.