Are you tired of always having your roommate’s boyfriend or girlfriend over all the time? Has your double room suddenly functionally turned into a triple and your rooming costs haven’t been able to keep up? Great News! The Residential Life Office now allows you to split your housing costs with your new third roommate. The same technology that allows you to split up an Uber trip between two debit cards will now be used to allow you to charge your roommate’s partner for their use of your room. 

If it’s nearing permanence, like they live there all the time, you can now actually reflect that in your tuition statement. The housing budget will be split evenly between three parties if your roommate’s partner stays over—or really sorta just lounges about the communal living space—more than four days a week. Despite protests from the dating contingent of campus, RLO has clarified that having friends over to hangout in your room is not eligible for this split, as sources confirm that the vibes of interjecting in a conversation with friends is less difficult than dealing with your old and now new roommate naked in bed together.