The Yowl was able to exclusively obtain the super ultrasecret 2025 Eating House Membership Contract, a written agreement all first-years joining an eating house are required to sign on the morning of Placement Day. The document can be found below.

I, _______________ [please write name in the most flamboyant cursive you learned in third grade], agree to the following terms as required conditions of my status as a member of an eating house:

I agree to forgo all friendships with those that are not members of my organization. Special care should be taken to sever relationships with DUFF members, Geminis, professors, Union Board members, anyone you see in the laundry room, and roommates. PCC has publicly expressed contempt for these affiliations, and any interactions deemed unsatisfactory by the Surveillance Committee will result in immediate disciplinary action.

I understand that it is impossible to “drop” or “transfer.” If I choose to sign this form, I am committing to continued and passionate membership in the eating house I am placed in on the morning of February 8. Any detection of the words in quotations above by the Surveillance Committee will result in immediate disciplinary action. 

I understand that upon signing this agreement, I will be blindfolded, driven in circles, and dropped unceremoniously on the doorstep of my new eating house. There, a physical exam and cleaning will be administered to eliminate any trace of outside influence. Lobotomies are performed on a case-by-case basis. I will be given a new wardrobe consisting only of my organization’s paraphernalia. Meanwhile, a PCC-funded hazmat team will dispose of my previous belongings. The branding ceremony will last until lunch, followed by highly supervised free time at the Armfield Penitentiary. Additional procedures, such as Warner’s coveted chanting ritual or the Rusk event known only as “Axe Time” have all been approved by PCC.  

Name: ________________________ 

Date:_______________