Charters and Bylaws:

Explored the possibility of purchasing boxed wine with the SGA budget ahead of the rechartering season.

Food and Housing:

Abigail Przynosch ‘27 defends Commons after rat sightings, stating, “If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for us.”

Accessibility and Student Affairs:

In light of the shortage of Airport Shuttle drivers, the committee is advising students to start hitchhiking.

Community Committee:

The committee met with the Middle School Biker Gang for the possibility of a “Code of Irresponsibility” to keep students in line. 

Other Updates:

Connor Hines ‘26 claims he pushed for the Chick-fil-A to accommodate his picky eating habits but refused to comment on the alleged insider trader scheme of a million Chick-fil-A points. Vice President Maya Rajeh ‘27 is still wondering when it’s time for her to take over.

THIS “UPDATE”  IS FROM A SATIRICAL ISSUE AND DOES NOT REFLECT ACTUAL VIEWS!