Despite growing campus concerns about finances, WALT doesn’t seem worried about staying afloat. WALT Co-President and ATC Vice Chair Alan Sputnik ‘26 spent $250 of student-funded ATC money on a boat that doesn’t work and can’t float for a darty on Saturday (condolences if you also weren’t invited). Unlike the series of Appalachia-themed events last week, a whopping generously-estimated five people, all notably WALT adjacent, showed up to the broken-down boat which sat parked outside Nummit. “Apparently, the charms of poverty stop there,” one anonymous boat dartygoer explained.

The stunt has raised questions about WALT funding, with #DefundWALT trending on Yik Yak and Beezle, the local underground Davidson College-specific social media platform. Student Activities representatives, who approved the boat purchase, were confused about Sputnik’s intent. “When Alan originally pitched the idea, I thought he was speaking in a broad, abstract metaphor about student life that I really personally connected with. I didn’t think he was actually going to buy a random boat—but I would let him do it again.” 

Sputnik’s position on both WALT and ATC is a cause for concern among the student body. Many may consider this to be a textbook example of a conflict of interest and a “pretty egregious flaunting of embezzlement.” However, the man in charge  occasionally hits play on a DJ set while shirtless, so we need to give him even more money! Several club audits were done to expand WALT’s budget, as we desperately need to give them more money to teach a set of six students how to play a bass over pop songs and call it house music.

Nonetheless, students spoke very highly of Sputnik’s campus presence. “It was his idea to get a cage and have people stand inside it doing the frat flick for hours on end. This great idea can only come from a magical man. I can’t wait to see how else he will expand our minds in the future. The boat is just the beginning,” one WALT goon, with the radio station’s logo tattooed on their forehead, said. The Yowl editors attempted to conduct an interview with Sputnik but were intercepted and told to beat it by two large Italian men who said they work in the garbage industry. This comes in the wake of the body of an old ATC member being found in the cement during the Watts elevator construction.