Dear students,
I hear on good authority from my colleagues that many of you intend to vacate campus over the period the College refers to as “Fall Break.” It therefore appears most prudent, amidst this apparent miscommunication, to reiterate my expectations for your conduct over this period.
Let me remind you that Essay #1 is due on Tuesday, October 7 at 9:00am sharp. As detailed in the syllabus I have not mentioned since the first day of class—after which 17 of your peers seem to have accidentally dropped the course—your essay must be between 3000-3005 words and hand written in 0.5mm navy ink. Papers written in 0.7mm ink or below the word count will face a significant deduction. Papers written in black ink will not be accepted—no exceptions.
Contrary to popular belief, the word “break” as written means to violently rupture, to “crush the emotional strength, spirit, or resistance of.” Alternatively, your fall would indeed be broken should you feel compelled to fling yourself off the 4th Union balcony instead of writing your essay. What a grisly sight that would be. I would urge you to choose a less conspicuous location.
Dearest student, you would do well to remember that those truly committed to the life of the mind observe no voluntary stoppage other than the temporary respite offered by sleep and the final slumber that is death. Do not allow yourself to think about “fun” and “relaxation”; experience dictates the pursuit of those pernicious vices leads to nothing but hedonistic inhibition. Do not let four days imperil your future. Do not squander your potential.
Cheerily,
Professor Y