Reports across campus of a mystery man have continued to fuel speculation. Descriptions of this man and his activities are few and far between, with one observer describing them as, “taller than four feet, but shorter than seven.” Another added that he “seemed to be engaging in some sort of activity.” Concerned? Us too. Conflicting accounts surrounding this individual’s intentions have only added more fuel to the fire, with onlookers describing the individual as, “scary”, having a “malevolent aura”, or of being a “normal guy, why are you asking me about this again?” Yowl forensic experts have not yet been able to identify this man or his potential goals or aspirations, and have yet to reject the possibility that the sightings reported could be of multiple suspects. Any information regarding an individual fitting this description should be reported directly to Davidson president Doug Hicks via email with the subject line “URGENT: A MAN SPOTTED ON CAMPUS! PLEASE HELP!!!!” And the nature of your information. If not responded to immediately, it must be assumed that ‘he’ is interfering, so immediately respond with an identical email. Repeat this process indefinitely until a thoughtful response to your concerns is received. The Yowl calls on all readers to defend our campus in this way and thanks you for participating in your civic responsibility.
responsibility.